Algy Moncrieff

               I remember the day when I heard about the real purpose of the penis. I could say that I already knew it and I wouldn’t lie, but it was a tremendous shock anyway. It’s like the difference between hearing from your school partners that Santa Claus doesn’t exist, and watching how your dad leaves the presents beneath the Christmas tree and drinks the wine that was supposed to be for the red fat guy.

            We always thought that when we stiff upper lip, what we are doing is acting in a phlegmatic way, but that’s completely nonsense. I mean, I can’t even catch a metaphoric similarity between being phlegmatic and stiffing the upper lip. The upper lip? What in the hell! To me, the real meaning of the phrase is to suck a dick with fear. Let me explain:

            Have you ever had your cock sucked by a first-timer? She’s not usually confident, like if she was afraid of getting surprised by your sperm coming suddenly out of your dick. Therefore as an instinctive reaction, she stiffs her upper lip. Maybe both sometimes, and the experience is interesting only because of the tenderness of her innocence. And there you’ve got the real meaning of the expression “stiff upper lip”.

            So if you don’t wanna be left behind like a piece of a shit you should carefully learn the advice. If you ever see the bushes shaking out there don’t get nearby. There are people that suddenly become unable to move, like if a huge cramp retained their bodies. And you know what? It sometimes squirts. Buaaaag!

            That’s the point by an old pal, for words are among everything, only a bunch of letters. By the way, if you ever hear about a huddle in the park, call me. Just for scientific interest.

I saw that strange little fellow coming inside the gift store in the corner of the commercial street. I was already in, looking for some kind of African ceremonial mask or whatever for my mom’s birthday. Anyway, the thing is that he crossed the place, went in front of the seller and said: “I would like to purchase a little bit of sense of humor to lower the pressure in the tough times.”

“Eeee. We don’t have any of that.” “Oh, I see.” “Yeah. Look! Why don’t you go to the store at the other end of the street? They probably have something of that.” “Oh, really? Thanks! I guess I’ll go. Thanks, Bye.” It was half past eight but when the guy saw me leaving his store five minutes after the strange man did it, he shut the door and closed the business. There are mad people dangling out there, you just can’t be safe in your own home town! It’s a mess! A very popular Spanish journalist always says that in this country we should do like the American, and be able to buy fire weapons to defend our homes and families from this kind of people.

The street lights dazzle me, tearing the dark canvas of the polluted sky of the night. Why would someone ever want to tie himself up with a rope of affection? But if you ask you’d find out that a lot of people would want to, despite of the lies. They prefer that bare emotion you can deal with, empty and abandoned like an old and dark southern parlour. What about the spider in the corner, weaving it’s web, reminding there’s a discordant point. Who cares about it’s life? It’s blown away before we even notice.